An Uncomfortable Grace

How do I express my thoughts about grace? It seems so daunting a venture. The Word of God is brimming with the evidence and explanation of God’s grace. Who am I to try and add more?

For me, this always needy person, grace, like hope, often “feels” elusive. But it isn’t. It is concrete and fixed. This foundation of the Christian experience is solid. It’s me who is elusive. This amazing grace lavished on me, undeserved, but given anyway, is such a mystery of God’s unconditional love and benevolence. Without it I would be lost.

So why do I sometimes try to hide from it? Am I the only one? Unworthiness and shame gang up on me and tell me I can’t possibly enjoy such holy perfection. Is this how Peter felt when Jesus walked beside him on that beach and Peter was so aware of how he had failed the Lord (as was Jesus) when it mattered the most. Did Peter want to be punished? I doubt it. But I think he expected to be. It would have been “deserved.” When I am most aware of the presence of Jesus is when he “calls me out” whenever I’ve been avoiding him. I find I’m so relieved and distraught at the same time.

Elation exclaims, “He’s here!”

But there’s another sinister voice that accuses, “Oh…He found you. Now you’re going to get it.”

But what I get is more grace. And He promised that I would. So why do I still seem incredulous? Is it that ever-present knowledge that grace is undeserved? Even more than that, that it is undeserved, but joyfully given anyway.

As if He shouts it across time and space, “Even though…(fill in the blank)…I love you!”

I remember as a child when I would disappoint my mother, the guilt and shame would eat away at my heart and mind. But she would call me to supper or some other routine in our home and hug me tight to let me know she loved me even though I had hurt her. Her grace always had that same overwhelming effect of elation mixed with humility.

Jesus Christ is the embodiment of the grace of God. And it’s just that simple. Without Him there would only be judgment and death but as the oft-quoted verse reminds us:

‘For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, so that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

So whether or not I am comfortable with God’s grace. It is here and it has saved my life.